I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
The police scanner is talking about you again....
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
