last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
