Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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