tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
