we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
