So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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