im holly from the hills drunk
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Can you bring me the toilet please
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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