Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
