the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
