what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
