that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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