Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
