I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
