Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
