ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Where is the hickey?
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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