Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
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