I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I'm passing your future prison.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
