Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
