Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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