Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize