there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
