Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
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