Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
