if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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