and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Use "feeling words"
Yay
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Randomize
