it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
