I wanna bring you to show and tell
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize