My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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