do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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