Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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