Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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