Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
