evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
