It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
