Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
You can't special order awesome
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
