oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
