Can Purell be used as lube?
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
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