no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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