Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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