I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
