He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
