I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
