my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
