I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
