Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize
