dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Randomize
