my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
