I accidentally burped into my bong.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize