My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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