oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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