just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
