I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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