i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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