Moan for me like Helen Keller
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
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