just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize