we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
How naked do you want me to be?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
