so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
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