I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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