boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
