Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
