He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize