Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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