So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
In America we eat man semen.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
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