Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Randomize
