I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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