We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Randomize
