This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
